cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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