My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
