So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
