I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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