i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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