i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
