Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
