Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sorry my hands just texted you
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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