You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
