for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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