Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
