Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
