It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
