And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You made out with two different species that night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
