White coat. Heels.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
