So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
