i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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