ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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