Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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