i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
