PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
