there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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