For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
