yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
