Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
