It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
