I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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