sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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