I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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