he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
