yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
