foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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