i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
