Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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