How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
