i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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