boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
