i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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