why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
