I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
