dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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