don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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