Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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