my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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