Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
