did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
