Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
