Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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