You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
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I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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