I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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