I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
