college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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