Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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