i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
