I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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