I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
