I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
