I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
