they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
