I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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