My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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