this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
