return my video game
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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