The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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