sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
