He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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