just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Randomize
