I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
