I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
