I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
