my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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