i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
