Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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