It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You were trust falling into bushes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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