The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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