remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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