I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
