He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
