i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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