And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
